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Saturday, July 30, 2011

Angler dies after snorting square grouper

Angler dies after snorting square grouper
BY ADAM LINHARDT Citizen Staff
alinhardt@keysnews.com
A 54-year-old Merritt Island man in town to fish with his brother died in a Miami hospital Thursday after ingesting a "square" grouper, according to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office.
Thomas Swindal and his brother, Kenneth, were trolling in 200 feet of water off Fiesta Key at 3:30 p.m. Wednesday when they found a floating package believed to contain a kilogram of cocaine, sheriff's spokeswoman Deputy Becky Herrin said.
Square grouper is a popular Florida Keys' nickname for packaged drugs found floating.

The brothers put the package in a bait well and kept fishing, but Kenneth Swindal told deputies he later saw his brother open it and snort whatever was inside, Herrin said.
About an hour and a half later, Thomas Swindal reportedly began to act strangely, running around the boat, throwing things into the water, including their means of communication, a cellphone and VHF radio. He reportedly picked up knives, a pair of pliers and a gaff, and removed the engine cover, which fell overboard and sank, the release states. He then gaffed the engine and damaged it, leaving the boat adrift, Herrin said.
His brother then threw all the sharp objects overboard, along with the package, which authorities did not recover, Herrin said.
Kenneth Swindal climbed on top of the boat and began signaling for help. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) responded to a nearby vessel's call for help and took both men ashore.
Paramedics took Thomas Swindal to Fishermen's Hospital, FWC spokesman Officer Bobby Dube said. He later was airlifted to South Miami Hospital, Herrin said.
An autopsy will be done to determine the cause of death.
"We felt it was drug-related," Dube said. "He was acting crazy and going berserk when officers arrived. He was tearing up stuff."
No charges were expected to be filed against Kenneth Swindal, Herrin said.
"It's certainly against the law to keep such packages," Herrin said, "but [Kenneth Swindal] threw it back in the water in an effort to keep his brother alive."

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Old Man And The Beaver

Old Man And The Beaver

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...



The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said,

"Things are great and I've never felt better."

"I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child."

"So what do you think about that Doc ?"




The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season."
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his
walking cane instead of his gun."

"As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge..



He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."

“ Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."


The doctor replied , "My point exactly."

Thursday, July 21, 2011

WE'VE FIGURED HIM OUT!

WE'VE FIGURED HIM OUT!
By Ben Stein
Why was President Barack Obama in such a hurry to get his socialized medicine bill passed? Because he and his cunning circle realize some basic truths:

The American people in their unimaginable kindness and trust voted for a pig in a poke in 2008.
(Pig in a poke means: an offering or deal that is foolishly accepted without being examined first. A poke means sack.)

They wanted so much to believe Barack Obama was somehow better and different from other ultra-leftists that they simply took him on faith.

They ignored his anti-white writings in his books.

They ignored his quiet acceptance of hysterical anti-American diatribes by his minister, Jeremiah Wright.

They ignored his refusal to explain years at a time of his life as a student.

They ignored his ultra-left record as a "community organizer," Illinois state legislator, and Senator.

The American people ignored his total zero of an academic record as a student and teacher, his complete lack of scholarship when he was being touted as a scholar.

Now, the American people are starting to wake up to the truth. Barack Obama is a super likeable super leftist, and not a fan of this country.

The American people have already awakened to the truth that the stimulus bill -- a great idea in theory -- was really an immense bribe to Democrat interest groups, and in no way helped all Americans.

The American people already know that Mr. Obama's plan to lower health costs while expanding coverage and bureaucracy is a myth, a promise of something that never was and never can be --
"a bureaucracy lowering costs in a free society." Either the costs go up or the free society goes away... an historical truth.

These are perilous times. Mrs. Hillary Clinton, our Secretary of State, has given Iran the go-ahead to have nuclear weapons, an unqualified betrayal of the nation. Now, we face a devastating loss of freedom at home in health care. It will be joined by controls on our lives to "protect us" from global warming, itself largely a fraud, if believed to be caused by man. She has also signed on to a Small Firearms Treaty at the U.N. This is a back door gun control move. This is approved by the Senate and a 2nd Amendment majority doesn't exist in the Senate now. It will supersede all U.S. Law and the 2nd Amendment. All citizen possession will be eliminated through confiscation. Just Like Great Britain and Australia .

Mr. Obama knows Americans are getting wise and will stop him if he delays at all in taking away our freedoms. There is his urgency and our opportunity. Once freedom is lost, America is lost. Wake up, beloved America .

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Dream Act

: Obama passes amnesty by executive order

Written by Gil Guignat Border & Immigration, Breaking News, Featured Jun 23, 2011

Last Friday, with no fanfare, no press coverage, and with every effort made to hide his actions from the American people, President Obama enacted the DREAM Act by executive order.
Opposed by a majority of the American people and twice defeated in Congress, the DREAM Act grants amnesty to any illegal alien residing in the United States if s/he agrees to enlist in the U.S. military or enter college.
The Obama administration memo from the John Morton, Director of I.C.E. (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) directs I.C.E. agents now to use “prosecutorial discretion” with regard to enforcing immigration laws.
Director Morton says that Obama Administration policy directs border patrol agents not to enforce immigration laws: “When ICE favorably exercises prosecutorial discretion, it essentially decides not to assert the full scope of theenforcement authority available to the agency.”
You read that right. According to the Obama administration “favorable” enforcement means NOT enforcing the law!
According to one of the first press reports to break this important story, the new Obama policy is cut and dry: “federal immigration officials do not have to deport illegal aliens if they are enrolled in any type of education program, if their family members have volunteered for U.S. military service, or even if they are pregnant or nursing.”
Arizona and the voter ID law
Just recently Obama’s Department of Justice (DOJ) blocked Arizona from enforcing its voter ID law. Arizona is one if not the biggest portal of illegal immigration in the nation with half a million illegal aliens coming through the sate annually. Arizona’s Attorney General Tom Horne recently stated that he believed that blocking of the law facilitated massive voter fraud by illegal aliens.
“Attorney General Tom Horne accused the Obama administration Tuesday of trying to thwart Arizona’s voter-ID laws in a bid to get more illegal immigrants to the polls — presumably to cast ballots for the president and Democrats.
Horne acknowledged that a brief filed by the Department of Justice in a case to be heard next month by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals centers around the agency’s argument that Arizona’s law requiring proof of citizenship to register is pre-empted by federal law. But Horne, a Republican, told Capitol Media Services he sees something more sinister.” More…

The 2012 presidential elections
First we have amnesty passed by executive order then we have President Obama’s DOJ blocking voter ID in Arizona. What could possibly be the president’s motive? If you wish to review the entire immigration directive click here.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Winston Churchill

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into
prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and
trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-- Winston Churchill

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Now This Is A Splinter!

This is an actual emergency room photo of a fisherman

Who lost control of his High Speed Bass Boat in West Virginia

The warden's believe that he was traveling at a speed of approximately

75 mph at the time of the accident.

He was unable to negotiate a curve in the narrow waterway and

Unfortunately for him, upon striking the shoreline, he was ejected from the

Boat and landed on an old fence post.

You can probably picture what happened next, but this photograph really

Says it all.

The good news is after about 6 months, this man made a full recovery after

Suffering a shattered hip, broken leg, several broken ribs, internal injuries

And soft tissue damage. The doctors credited his recovery to the fact that

The post lodged itself so tightly that there was little or no blood loss.

Now, that's got to hurt!



Tuesday, July 12, 2011

THE FLORIDA CODE

THE FLORIDA CODE



When giving directions in Florida, you should
Always start with the words, "take I-75 or take
I-95..."

If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you
Absolutely cannot drive between the hours of 6 AM and 10 AM and 4 PM and 7 PM. This is considered to be rush hour and you're not in any rush. No exceptions.

Freeways can only go north and south. Not east and west..

Tolls are a fact of life down here, the state has to make
Money, so deal with it!

I-275 will always be under construction... that's the
Law, there is nothing anyone can do about it, period!

A1A and ALT A1A are the same streets.

Traffic lights aren't timed and never will be.

We measure the distance you travel in time, not miles.

If you travel more than 5-10 miles on any road in any part
Of Florida without seeing an orange 'Bob's Barricade', you're lost!

If you miss your exit on I-75, I - 95, I-4 or I-275, its perfectly
Acceptable to back up.

There is a city called The Villages where 83,000 old people
Drive golf carts and dance in the streets.


Every street in Florida has both a name and a number (i.e. Adamo = 60th,, McCall = 776) just for the hell of it . . . and for the pleasure we get from the reaction of visitors when we give them directions.

Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the
Intersection -- Eight more go through on yellow, and 4 more on red.

Know the difference between Sun Pass , Sun Fest, Sun-Sentinel, and Sun Trust.

Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as
business casual.

Your blinker means nothing.

English is our first and second language.

It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your
Generator.

We have alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite
You... Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one.

When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have
Advanced warning and you are told to be prepared, you're
Not a true Floridian unless you wait until the absolute last
Minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to Publix
To stock up water, ice, beer, and potato chips.

You know how to spell Okeechobee. There is an Okeechobee
Blvd , Street, Avenue, Town, Lake and County.

A true Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends
With someone who already owns one. That way you don't
Have to deal with any of the headaches.

You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry
That everyone else moved here.

There's always a Walgreens across the street
From a CVS on almost every corner - with more being built
Every day.


When picking up a woman on South Beach , always
Check for an Adams apple.

It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your
Holiday decorations.

Jupiter is a city, not a planet.

Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays. Not
Weeknights or weekends - that's for the working
Folks.

There are three types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, Flipper, and
Also one called a football team.

You can't say; 'this is how we did it up
North. If you think that way, then go back. Just
Remember I - 75 &I - 95 run both ways.

No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never,
Ever be able to figure out your property taxes.

Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside
But inside any restaurant or business it's 65
Degrees.

There are three things you will need to survive a Florida
Winter: A long sleeved T-shirt, sunscreen and the ability to
Mock all those extremely pale' visitors' with the
Bright pink ' Florida tans'

The same neighbor who smiles at you every day will be the
First one to rat you out if you are violating water
Restrictions.


See Ya At The Beach...

Sunday, July 10, 2011

West Texas Sheriff Applicant

West Texas Sheriff Applicant




West Texas Sheriff Applicant
A young Texan grew up wanting to be a law
man. He grew up big, 6'2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He
could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
When he finally came of age, he applied to , where he had only dreamed of
working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a big mess of tests and interviews, Chief Deputy BOB finally called
him into his office for the young man's last interview.
the Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot.
So far your qualifications all look real good, but we have what you might
call an 'attitude suitability test' that you must take before you can be
accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge son."
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the
Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot:

six illegal aliens,
six lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
six democrats,
and a rabbit"

"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude. You pass." says the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Lost Balloonist

Lost Balloonist

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her
altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican.
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama-Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where the hell you are -- or where the hell you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.
You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

P R I C E L E S S !