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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

My Dogs a Democrat


It just hit me !!


My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

he has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365. His meals are provided at no cost to him

He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. he has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head,

+

My dog is a Democrat!!!!!!

(please don't tell anyone!)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.


And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

To test this theory:

Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.

WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY

Subject: PLEASE DON'T FORGET NEXT SATURDAY - !!

WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY

Think this would get their attention - ??

Don't forget to mark your calendars.

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other

than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.

So next Saturday at 1 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their

house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.



All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses

to demonstrate their support for the women

and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers.

Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.



The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists

and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.



P.S.

If you don't send this to at least 1 person, you're a terrorist-sympathizing,

lily-livered coward and are possibly aiding and abetting terrorists - !!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.

--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

--We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McLaine.. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.

--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.

--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."

--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

--We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda
with you.
P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

COURAGE?




COURAGE?
What is the meaning of courage?
Is it to fight a Bull in a bullfight without any weapon?
Is it to fly a fighter plane in combat?                              
Is it to practice free fall parachuting?
Is it bungee jumping, wild water rafting?
Bullshit... Those are nothing!
THIS, my friend, is COURAGE!!!

Last picture I have of my dog "Lucky!"

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Top Ten Country Western Songs............really


Top Ten Country Western Songs.



10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few.

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'.

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win.

5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.

4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.


And the Number One Country & Western song is...


1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day Long!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Weenie Test

Weenie Test


Three third graders from Tennessee: an Italian kid, an Irish kid and a black kid, are on the playground at recess. The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says.
"Okay." They all agree.
The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
"That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out, and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer.
Not to be outdone, the Black kid whips his out. It is by far, not only the biggest, but the fattest.
That night, eating dinner at home, the Black kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.
"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test, and read out loud from a new book, and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called 'Let's see who has the largest weenie."
"What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.
"Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies, and I had the biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm Black. Is that true?

"No, Leroy. It's because you're eighteen!"

Thursday, March 3, 2011

lay off Jose...from Sue L.

                                               
This financial crisis is forcing State and local
agencies to make some tough decisions.
If things continue for much longer, there's a real
risk that we may have to lay off Jose.

Dear Mr. Obama:

                                           Barack Obama, during his Cairo speech, said: "I know, too,
                                               that Islam has always been a part of America 's story."


AN AMERICAN CITIZEN'S RESPONSE:

Dear Mr. Obama:
Were those
Muslims that were in America when the Pilgrims first landed? Funny,
I thought they were Native American Indians.
Were those Muslims that celebrated the first Thanksgiving day? Sorry again, those
 were Pilgrims and Native American Indians.
Can you show me one Muslim signature on the United States Constitution?
Declaration of Independence ? Bill of Rights?
Didn't think so.
Did
Muslims fight for this country's freedom from
England ? No.
Did
Muslims fight during the Civil War to free the slaves in America ? No, they did
not. In fact, Muslims to this day are still the largest traffickers in human
slavery. Your own half brother, a devout Muslim, still advocates slavery himself, even
though Muslims of Arabic descent refer to black Muslims as "pug nosed slaves." Says a lot
of what the Muslim world really thinks of your family's "rich Islamic heritage,"
 doesn't it Mr. Obama?

What do you think? Please leave a comment and let me know.