granite countertops from Diane Buchanan

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged
from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see
you've regained consciousness. Now, you
probably won't remember, but you were in
a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to
be okay, you'll walk again and everything,
but...
"Something happened. I'm trying to break
this gently, but the fact is, your willy was
chopped off in the wreck and we were unable
to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on,
"You've got $9000 in insurance compensation
coming and we have the technology now to
build you a new willy that will work as well
as your old one did - better in fact! But the
thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000
an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide
how many inches you want. But it's
something you'd better discuss with your
wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before,
and you decide to go for a nine incher, she
might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine
inch one before, and you decide only to invest
in a five incher this time, she might be
disappointed. So it's important that she plays
a role in helping you make the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day.
"So," says the doctor,
"have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the man.
"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite countertops."