Jeff Foxworthy on Ohio thanks Steve Metz

Jeff Foxworthy on Ohio


All I have to say is "Go Bucks!"

You might be from Ohio (pronounced O-hi-uh), if:

1. You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange!

2. You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.

3. You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.

4. You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candied ones.

5. "Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means "south."

6. You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths.

7. You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, Tuscarawas, Wapakoneta and you know which letter is doubled in Cincinnati .

8. "Vacation! " means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer hunting in the fall.

9. You measure distance in minutes

10. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

11. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

12. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

13. You know what should be knee-high by the Fourth of July.

14. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. For example:

"Where's my coat at?"

15. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

16. You think of the major four food groups as corn, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

17. You carry jumper cables in your car.

18. You know what 'pop' is.

19. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

20. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. (Amen!)

21. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown.

22. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six pages for sports.

If you actually get these jokes -- then forward 'em to your OHIO friends!

Dear Abby letter from Columbus, Ohio

Dear Abby,
I am a crack dealer in Columbus, Ohio , who has recently been
diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in
a suburb of Worthington and one of my sisters, who lives in
Dublin , is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for
growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on
my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Grove City .
I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole
life sentence in Lucasville for the murder of a teenage boy
in 1994. The other brother is currently in jail awaiting
trial on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai
prostitute who lives in Atlanta and is still a part time
"working girl" in a brothel. All things considered, my main
problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to
bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin who is a Michigan fan?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation